nothingness is real

I am not able to meditate.

For years my only dream is to meditate, but i cant do that.

And today i got a thought why i could not do this,
that is
my inner mind is not clean nor clear
i hate lots of people in these days
i see people as a friend or enemy
These awful minds prevent me from meditating.
I cant deceive myself.

Meditation needs good and clean spirit and mind,I think.

me enjoy nothoingness
me dont know its deep or shallow
me no able to ponder
everything is the same the one

i say this life is nothing
but that leads me nowhere no place

one drink a lot in life
one not drink at all in life
the result out of the two way is very different
but its the same to me

nothingness
one can be grieved at it
one can be laughing at it
its the same to me

hello
hello
wake up

always me laugh at myself
aweful
iv got a age 51
still me stupid

hello
hello
saying to myself
wake up

what i am doing in these days

the same to nothingness

is it ok

yaah ok

life is nothing

can u laugh